A letter of complaint.

Dear Maxim,

I greatly admire your devotion to the craft of taking photos of scantily clad women in sexy situations and poses.  The hundreds of pages of entertainment you have provided over the years is appreciated by everyone.  However, upon reviewing the 2010 list of the “Maxim 100,” your credibility has been put to question.

I understand that it can’t be easy putting together a list of the 100 hottest women in the world.  The task is made even more difficult by the demands to keep the list fresh year after year, forcing you to shake up the annual list with an influx of new additions (and consequently, omissions).  The ordering is simply arbitrary, so that is not worth discussing at this time.  However, the ignorant and irresponsible omission of Penelope Cruz is simply inexcusable.

In addition to her obvious physical beauty, Penelope Cruz is an international talent and one of the premier actresses in the world.  She is an absolutely fearless performer who has won an Academy Award and has received a total of three Academy Award nominations.  She has also donated millions of dollars and countless hours to a number of different charities.  Beauty, talent and generosity… to quote Paris Hilton, “that’s hot.”

It would be one thing if all the women included in the list were deserving of their spot, but that is surely not the case. If you are walking down the street and pass by one of the 100 hottest women in the world, you are going to need to visit a chiropractor the next day because your head is going to spin so fast you will be suffering from whiplash.  At least half of women on this list are of the non-whiplash inducing variety.  Let me discuss a few of the most obvious misfires:

  • Chelsea Handler (#87): Sure, funny women are sexy.  I get it.  With that said, I have never met a straight male who enjoys her or her show.  If you feel a “funny girl” entrant is a must, then Tina Fey and Kristin Wiig would have been much better choices.

This woman is hotter than Penelope Cruz?

  • Stephanie Pratt (#44): I didn’t even know Spencer Pratt (the asshole from “The Hills”) had a sister.  At first glance, I just assumed this was Spencer wearing a wig or experimenting with a new hairstyle.  Second glance revealed a less strung out version of Courtney Love.  Neither of those are compliments.  Oh, this just in… smoking doesn’t make you look “hot” or “edgy.”  It stopped being “cool” before you were born.

This girl is hotter than Penelope Cruz?

  • Taylor Swift (#31): I realize timely relevance is important in this countdown.  Taylor has been on an absolute roll over the past year or so and she has the Grammys to prove it.  Regardless, I still maintain that if she wasn’t famous, you wouldn’t give her more than a passing glance if you saw her on the street.  She’s like the mildly attractive cashier at Target.  When you’re done paying you say, “hey, she was kind of cute.”  Then you just go back to living your life and talking about hotter girls as if she never existed.

This girl is hotter than Penelope Cruz?

I could go on and on, but I feel like nitpicking on every single selection would be cruel and inhumane.  And who am I to critique anyway?  Check out the full list for yourself at this link.

Now, it’s your turn.  I’m curious to hear the feelings of my devoted and immaculately tasteful readers.  Who was snubbed?  Who doesn’t belong?  Who would be your #1?  Let me know in the comments.

Since I know you didn’t open this to look at pictures of Taylor Swift, Chelsea Handler and Stephanie Pratt, I’m now going to present you with a tribute of sorts to the lovely and talented Penelope Cruz.  Enjoy.

Look! She's patriotic, too!

One Response to “A letter of complaint.”
  1. Castor says:

    You are absolutely right Kevin! Usually more than half of the ladies in the top 100 don’t even deserve to sniff the list and are simply remnants from the list made a year (or more like five years) ago.

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